I have spent the past few weeks immersed with family. This has been lovely and whole for me. But, sometimes I'm just ready for a moment or two of quiet. Of thoughtfulness and daydreaming all to myself.
And so I have begun to stay up late. I like the quiet that nighttime provides. It's like mornings, but with a touch of sadness. This is sometimes good for the heart, sometimes bad for the mind, but either way, it's the way of life right now.
My life is more like a whisper right now. It's been a roar, a murmur, silent, well-modulated, and many things in between. But, right now, it's just a whisper. Sometimes, I worry my friends won't understand. I don't call much because I don't have much to say, and hardly ever talk to just hear my own voice anymore. When they call, I listen, but I have some sort of psychological amnesia when it comes my turn to speak. I hope they know how much I love them. How much I miss them. And how this isn't radio silence, just some quiet static. I'll find some louder words soon.
I'm not ready for Spring, not really. I love the warm sun on my skin, but my eyes are still squinting, and my heart too. Fortunately and unfortunately, Spring comes without concern of anyone's readiness.
I will try to be better.
I will welcome Spring.
I will whisper for a while longer.
