Old year, New year

Well, it would seem I have let almost a whole year pass before updating this again. I do apologize. However, this time I am not going to make any empty promises of continuing to update, I'm just going to quietly hope my blogging bug keeps up. And, I must admit that comments sure help the inspiration factor.

So, now that my blog has been officially resurrected, what is there to say?

2008 was a crazy year. I rememeber vividly lying on my bed but a few days into the year, crying my eyes out and pouring my heart out to God, and feeling like this year was so important and would be good, but hard. And so it seemed that my whole year was that indeed. Good, but hard. And yet, looking back into this year, I just feel a smile in my soul. I came face to face with all sorts of situations for the first time. I had to make adult decisions and sometimes I made bad decisions, but no matter it was still good.

There was Practicum. Having to go into the hospital once a week and try desperately to find something to give these people who were sick, sometimes dying, or watching someone die, and feeling so lost and small and all I wanted to do was run out of the hospital at the end of the week and curl into bed and weep for people who had nothing and weep for all the nothings I felt too.

And learning that just showing up meant something.

There was being an RA. There were the rules I thought were any range from pointless to outright ridiculous. There was trying to figure out how you take care of yourself and other people well. There were horrible failures as an RA and friend. There were great successes. And often, there were terrifying messes. There were deep breaths and great sighs, and there was all of us, just going on and trying to live our lives.

And learning that just showing up meant something.

There was a barrage of old friends and new friends and lost friends and found friends. There were crushes and tasty treats and betrayals and unbelievable loyalties. There was learning that relationships are two people, so is one person ever the only one at fault? There was learning that I hadn't learned anything, and was in the same place, but via different routes. There was picking up and starting all over again.

And learning that just showing up meant something.

There was finding a voice again. Realizing it was ok to stand up and say, "That's not ok." There was freaking out and yelling at people and being laughed at. There were encouraging words and finally a place beginning to form that would have me speak and whisper and yell and sometimes say nothing. And trying to remember that if it can't be said in grace and love, it needn't be said.

And that's 2008. Maybe tomorrow or later I'll post about all the music and books and movies that guided me through the year, but for now, all I can say is 2009, here I come. I'm sure you'll be full of great change, but I'm ready for you.

All I want to do in 2009 is live slow enough to hear the whispers of the earth and the people in it. Their secret joys and defeats and the ones in my own soul as well too. So, we can learn to take each others hands and plant trees so the people behind us have some shade.

Hope you laugh really hard today,

Whitney