Life in Moments

Most of the time, the concept of time completely alludes me. Minutes can seem like mini eternities, and often hours come and go in the blink of an eye. So, I find myself living in moments. Some moments are days of something, and others just nanoseconds, but I take them all and one by one they create the cocoon of my life to surrond me.

Sometimes, these moments look like trying to make deep eye contact and smile at everyone I pass. I call this sometimes afternoon and sometimes community.

Sometimes, it's a moment called harmony and it's spent sitting cross-legged on the floor of a bookstore, where I caress the spin of every book and try to soak up it's secrets. I sit there in silence trying to learn a lost language, and my heart is filled with this moment.

Or last night, I had a moment called balance, where I drove through blurs of trees and street, with my best friend listening to broken hearts sing us to peace. And as my heart gravitated to my throat up from my knees where it usually falls, I found myself holding my breath to both keep the moment and my heart from throwing through tears in my eyes. And found that maybe when all you have are the headlights of your car and the stars from heaven lighting the road, well, maybe then you'll find your way.

And sometimes these moments are like a great sadness I call anything from grief to suffocation. And sometimes I laugh through the sunshining days, only to find that when I lay down at night, my heart, unachored in my chest, falls to hit my spine so I can't stand, or my lungs so I can't breathe, or my ribs, so I wonder if it won't just fly away. So, I lay in my moment and pray simple breaths of, "Help me," and try to breathe focused enough to close my eyes and find a moment of rest.

So, my life is that of moments, long and short. And though they are sometimes laugh moments, sometimes cry moments, sometimes yell and double middle finger moments, I'll take these moments over hours and minutes that traipse on past me, unconcerned with me at all.