Sadness

I'm sad.

I don't mean this in any earth shattering way. I don't mean it in a feel sorry for me way. I mean it simply in a, "I went to the grocery store after work" way. I feel like a rainy, cloudy day. In fact, this sunshine feels a little foreign to me.

Things are changing. It's a little bit terrifying. I feel small. I feel young. I feel uncertain. There's nothing like a bit of change to help you discover what's real in you, and what is just you being comfortable in your surrondings.

But, I don't mean to say that I am a sad person. Or a small, young, uncertain person. I mean that to say, as I try to lift up my heart from my knees, or toes each day, I find a resillence that is real. I find a strength that I forget I have.

And yet, I don't feel it.

So, what I'll do it this. I'll take my sadness, my uncertainity, my weariness, my sometimes double middle finger frustration, and I'll stick it in my haven't washed since Saturday hair. And I'll keep it there while it gives me good volume, and forget the fact that it's dirty and messy too. And when it's time, I'll wash it out. I'll find some rain, shampoo, and maybe even a prayer, and wash it right out.

But, until then, we'll settle in the fact of this dirt. This oddness. Because, it's not life. It's just life right now.