Healing and Rest

I've been thinking a lot about healing and rest lately. How they go hand-in-hand, and how it's something we all sometimes think of as a bit of a pipe dream, and it's something we could always use a little more of.

I am not always the most creative. After all, too often, I lack the creative vision to even believe it is possible to be outside of a situation. It all feels too real. Emotions do that. They intice you to believe their truth, their reality, and in the end, you find yourself trapped by them. And that's the easiest way to spot a lie, because truth always sets you free.

I found myself in a very quiet place this weekend. One where I was alone most of the time and I didn't talk much, which may seem obvious, but I have a borderline nutty habit of talking out loud, so it isn't all that obvious to me. So, I just thought a lot. I thought about this great thing it is to be a woman. I thought about the bitterness in my own heart. I thought about the possibility in life. Sometimes my thoughts were good. I felt encouraged. Other times I cried. I don't much worry about crying anymore either. I figure it's something we have to do now and then, and if we were all a little more honest with ourselves, we'd all probably cry a little more.

But, mostly, I just felt myself shutting down, but not all in a bad way. I just felt this little whisper in my soul that I needed to slow down, smell flowers, and take to loving myself as fiercely as I love those around me. Because that's the thing about loving your neighbor as yourself: it comes with the assumption, that you love yourself. (Which of course only works, only makes sense after loving God holistically).

So, that's what I need to learn. I've spend so much time taking care of other people, I've forgotten somethings. I've resigned myself to be a little less than I am. To doing less. I've grown some weedy bitterness. I've harbored some bad habits. I've justified, rationalize, and other things that sound like that.

I'm starting to remember that it's not that I can do anything. It's that I truly can do what I am supposed to do.

Rest. Pray. Heal. Love. (And laugh and eat pizza inbetween).