A direct quote from Jon, one of the 10 year old twin boys I nanny, on discussing why the movies aren't free, in response to my answer of, "Well, then no one would make any money."
"Well, the government takes all over our money anyway, right?"
Sometimes, I don't even know how to respond. All of my big, fancy words don't mean much to kids who just want some unconditional love and support.
I have always mothered. It feels to me like a central force of who I am. When I was a child, I didn't have one doll I took care of, but four. I played house for hours, even by myself, organizing and reorganizing how everything fit into my playhouse. Cold, snow, rain, I was still out there. So, you'd think I'd grow up to be some sort of ideal housewife in the making. But, somewhere between the fairy tales, Dr. Seuss, and some firey and strong and sassy as hell parents, came me. Who nannys. Dreams of grad school. Uses words like prudent in everyday conversation. And reads books like Women and Religion just for kicks.
And who everyday thinks, "How in the hell does anyone ever have kids?"
Still, I shrug my shoulders. I have the past day or so found a rythmn. Where I can't see how it will all work out, but I choose to trust anyway. And it's terrifying, but pretty damn beautiful too.
2 comments:
You are going to have some amazing children. Not the sugared up, ADHD boys you watch, but children who make no appologies for who they are and love the world in a way that will make me want steal them and replace them with my sugared up, ADHD children.
It's going to happen. Just a matter of time Whitney!!
Whitney my dearest Whitney...how I wish that distant/blog/facebook/email friends were everything you wish them to be in real life. Instead they tend to be awkward because you are more open and honest and true with them than those you see face to face.
Gosh I wish you lived here. I'd say gosh I wish I lived there...but honestly-we both know that Portland is a bit better. At least we have more..Powell's. :)
I just read your comment/letter. I don't get the notifications, so if people comment on anything older than most recent I generally miss it.
Thank you. So much. I LOVE the way you write. I LOVE that you have this perfectly fluid vision of God, and she/he is so exactly the same way I see her/him when I'm willing to open my eyes. I love the big mama weep with you when you're sad wipe your eyes on her apron when it's time to get up God you paint.
I so love you. In the quiet way, you know? The way that if you ever do move here and we do hang out, there wouldn't be much talking...most of the time. Just quiet coffee/tea reading time. Unless there was wine involved...:)
Move here. My heart wants you to.
Mostly though-thank you for your kind words. Write a book, I'll buy it.
Also, if you don't read EVERY SINGLE blog novella I create, I completely understand wanting and being and feeling that maternal urge, but still wondering why and how my friends do it.
Loves.
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